Hot!Friday Funnies

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CallMeFrank
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/03/17 12:26:11 (permalink)
+1 (1)
 
Mrs. Donovan was walking down  O'Connell Street in Dublin when  she met up with Father Flaubert.
 The Priest said, 'Top o' the mornin'  to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan  and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?' 
 She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
 The  Priest  asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' 
 She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' 
 The  Priest  said, 'Well now,  I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and            yer hoosband.' 
 She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'  They then parted ways. 
 Some years later they met again.  The  Priest  asked, 'Well now,  Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these             days?'
 She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
 The Priest asked, 'And tell me, have ye had any wee ones yet?'
 She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!'
 The Priest said, 'That's wonderful!  And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'
 She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin candle! 
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/03/30 05:35:25 (permalink)
0


Wag more....bark less.
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/03/30 06:47:07 (permalink)
+1 (1)
  Took me a 2 second pause to get it LOL.
 

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
CallMeFrank
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/03/30 12:01:13 (permalink)
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A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.
There, spread out up on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table.
The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
 
"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."
 
CallMeFrank
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/03/30 12:11:58 (permalink)
+1 (1)
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........   

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My tire was thumping. 
I thought it was flat 

When I looked at the tire... 

I noticed your cat. 

Sorry!

 
 
 
 
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 
 
 Heard your wife left you, 
How upset you must be. 

But don't fret about it... 

She moved in with me. 

 


  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Looking back over the years 

that we've been together, 

I can't help but wonder... 

'What the hell was I thinking?' 

 
 


  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Congratulations on your wedding day! 

Too bad no one likes your husband. 

 
 


 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
How could two people as beautiful as you 

Have such an ugly baby? 

 
 


  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
 
I've always wanted to have 
someone to hold, 

someone to love. 

After having met you .. 

I've changed my mind.

 
 


-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

 
 
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. 

I never believed in Hell until I met you. 

 
 


  //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 
 
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... 

That you're not here to ruin it for me. 

 
 


  ####################################################
 
 
Congratulations on your promotion. 
Before you go... 

Would you like to take this knife out of my back? 

You'll probably need it again.

 
 


********************************************************************************

 
 
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! 

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

 
 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
 
Happy birthday! You look great for your age. 

Almost Lifelike! 

 
 


  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
When we were together, 
you always said you'd die for me. 

Now that we've broken up, 

I think it's time you kept your promise.

 
 


  //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 
 
 
 
We have been friends for a very long time . 

let's say we stop?

 
 


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 
 
I'm so miserable without you 

it's almost like you're here.

 
 


=====================================================

 
 
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. 

Did you ever find out who the father was? 

 
 


 %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
 
 
Your friends and I wanted to do 

something special for your birthday. 

So we're having you put to sleep.

 
 


))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
 
So your daughter's a hooker, 
and it spoiled your day. 

Look at the bright side, 

it's really good pay

Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/06 05:43:53 (permalink)
+2 (2)

 

 
 

Wag more....bark less.
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/06 06:34:53 (permalink)
0
Love them guys!

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/13 05:55:58 (permalink)
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I KNOW i'm gonna get in trouble for this one.
 


Wag more....bark less.
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/13 06:49:56 (permalink)
+1 (1)
Bad boy LOL.  That is especially funny since Tomas is the talker and not me

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/21 10:55:38 (permalink)
+1 (1)


Wag more....bark less.
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/21 17:19:52 (permalink)
+1 (1)
Yep lol.

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/27 05:45:58 (permalink)
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Wag more....bark less.
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/04/27 06:44:05 (permalink)
+1 (1)
That is crazy LOL!

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
CallMeFrank
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/04 09:06:06 (permalink)
+1 (1)

 

 

 
 
 
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/04 12:31:33 (permalink)
+1 (1)
Hmmm.  Love the squirt bottle idea.  For those with phone issues too!

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/11 04:59:29 (permalink)
+1 (1)


Wag more....bark less.
CallMeFrank
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/11 14:07:47 (permalink)
+1 (1)
Badger---Maya is the same way.  Open anything, including the fridge door, and she thinks she just might get a treat.  Smart dog.  I have to turn 2 different remotes off to turn off the sound and picture on my TV.  As soon as she hears a button being pushed she gets out of the chair or her day bed, knowing it is time to head upstairs to bed.  Amazing what they get conditioned to. 
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/11 17:51:45 (permalink)
+1 (1)
Lol😁

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/18 05:01:04 (permalink)
+1 (1)


Wag more....bark less.
crunch
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/18 17:21:36 (permalink)
+1 (1)
WTH? It's Friday?  Lost track😁

 






 

Nothing wrong with me that a margarita on the beach wouldn't fix.......................
CallMeFrank
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/25 01:18:09 (permalink)
Badger
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Re: Friday Funnies 2018/05/25 05:17:15 (permalink)
0


Wag more....bark less.
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